Anxiety…

It was the middle of the night and there I sat in my kitchen floor against the cabinets with my knees pulled close to my chest. The thoughts that were swirling around in my head kept coming and the minutes began to drag on. I rocked back and forth as those awful feelings came flooding back again. I could feel the fear and anxiety crawling up my spine. This is a place I had been before. I knew it all too well. “They are feelings,” I told myself. “They will pass.” I began talking to God, “Lord, take this away, I don’t understand why these moments come, the fear I dread and the panic attacks are so draining…” I waited, they were still there. I knew how this would go.

I have dealt with fear and anxiety for two decades now. I’m no stranger to the process. When I talk about anxiety, I want you to know it is not your everyday run of the mill anxiety that life throws at us. I lived with a paralyzing fear that has brought me to the brink of more than just brokenness and feelings of defeat. At times I literally could not move, it consumed me. Thoughts, decisions I made were wrapped around the control fear and anxiety had on me. I despised it. I had let fear creep in through a small crack in my life, & allowed it control. I got really good at wearing a mask, so that others didn’t know in fear of what they would think of me. I’m a Christian, why would I be struggling? It was a long hard fight that I could only do with God’s help. I still deal with anxiety and fear, but not like I use to. I wondered why I endured what I can only describe as a living hell, but it doesn’t matter. It brought me closer to God. It gave me the gift of seeing Him as my Deliverer, my Healer. “…He will never leave you nor forsake you…” (Deut. 31:8 NIV) washed over me. I looked over with tear stained eyes and caught a glimpse of Jesus right beside me with His nail scarred hands over mine. I will never forget the night my Savior met me on my kitchen floor.

Beloved, His love for us is like no other. He cares so deeply for you. Know that when anxiety rears its ugly head, we have a Savior that has already defeated it and we can cling tight and rest in knowing that He reigns over all.

Faithfully His,

Heather

(I wrote this devotional originally for @daughterofdelight linktr.ee/daughterofdelight)